New Moon (2009)

New Moon was directed by Chris Weitz, and stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner.

What a cheesy mess.

My friend Sarah and I went to the midnight showing. Girls were there with "Team Edward!" signs, and someone even had a "Team Charlie" sign. People screamed and cheered through the whole movie. It was a spectacle to say the least.

On thing made it absolutely worth it that we went at midnight. There was this seemingly normal, middle-aged woman sitting behind us. Every time Taylor Lautner came on screen, she would make some disturbingly over-appreciative noise. Most memorably, when he first took off his shirt, she said, "Hot damn! That is a juicy man!" Sarah and I almost died.

Surprisingly, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The director took out a lot of what made the book annoying to read, such as Bella's sheer mountain of ANGST, but didn't try to legitimize what was left into serious drama. They realized what crap they had as source material and just went with it.

As a result, much of the angst became laughable. Even Twi-hards, who made up most of the crowd, were laughing when Edward left. This is also partially because of Kristen Stewart's horrendous acting during the forest scene. Edward tells her he's leaving forever, and her face doesn't even twitch. Bad acting mixed with knowing winks from the directors makes it much more enjoyable than the first movie.

However, I do feel part of this was going on opening night. Watching this movie on your television at home would be funny, but not nearly so funny as when one is surrounded by screaming fangirls.

Movie Experience: A

Movie: B

Stewart's Acting: F

dinner_guest on Twitter

This is totally fake, but a new member of Twitter has been getting some buzz.

dinner_guest has been posting creepy, bloody tweets that chronicle his grisly deeds, such as:

"So difficult to know how much blood is too much, I know the body holds pints..but it's hard to tell how much when it spreads."

Still relatively new, but interesting. I'm thinking it's a potential viral campaign for a book? I don't know, but it's something to keep an eye on.

-DR

Underwood and Flinch Podcast

I started listening to "Underwood and Flinch" today, a free novel on podcast, and I'm already on section eight. The author, who also reads for the podcast, does a great job preforming as he reads, and I feel like I'm listening to an old thirties radio program.

It's a pulpy vampire story about Underwood and the family that serves him, the Flinches. There's secret Satanist plots, vampire resurrections, mobsters, and basically a lot of frothy good entertainment. Overall fun listening!

-DR

It was an accident....

Live Evil (2009)

A New Must-See!!



Interesting concept. We think of vampires as the ultimate predator, but we never think of them as subject to the laws of evolution, where a lack of resources or a change in ecosystem could lead to extinction. Nifty!

-DR

Sugar (2005)

Sugar was directed by Patrick Jolley and Reynold Reynolds, and features Samara Reynolds.

Such a promising start to a garbled and ultimately fruitless art-film. The look of the film is grainy and gothic, and leads to some very creepy moments, but as it lacks a script, an ending, and any sort of comprehensible plot, this basically comes to nothing.

How did this ever get to Sundance? "Post-narrative" is just an excuse for laziness.

A waste of an hour and a half.

D-

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

The Toxic Avenger is a Troma film directed by Michael Herz and Lloyde Kaufman, starring Mitch Cohen.

This movie is awesome. It's like every creature feature you've ever seen, injected with PCP and nihilism. It is truly indescribable except to say that if you like video nasties, this is for you.

Video Fan also has The Toxic Avenger, Part II (1989), Part III: the Last Temptation of Toxie (1989), Citizen Toxie (2000) AND Tromeo and Juliet (1996). Reviews WILL be forthcoming.

Also, Toxic Twins: The Toxic Avenger V will be released in 2011. See you in the theatre!

A

Martin (1977)

Martin was directed by George A. Romero and stars John Amplas, with cameos from Romero himself and Tom Savini, horror make-up and effects guru.

What a perfect, quiet little movie!

This film really cuts to the core of what it means to be a vampire. Vampirism is not about lace or sparkles or sex appeal. All those things have been later additions to the myth, covering up the raw truth: that a vampire is a human who preys on other humans, cutting them down and feeding upon them for sustenance.

In what I feel is the most important scene, Martin attacks his grandfather in the park. His grandfather has tried to exorcise him, believing him under the influence of the vampiric family curse. Martin leaps upon him, dress in full Dracula garb, complete with children's pop-in vampire teeth.

At first, one is take aback, thinking not only that the film has sold out, but done so using the absolute worst effects imaginable. However, as his grandfather cowers on the ground, Martin spits out the teeth, laughing, and shouts, "It's only a costume!" I think this is the main focus of the movie: that all the romantic trappings surrounding vampires are essentially a costume, masking their true, monstrous nature.

After all, besides claiming to be over eighty years old, Martin displays no real supernatural powers. It is quite possible he is only a human monster, abet one we have sympathy for.

In all, this movie reminded me a lot of Brian del Palma's Carrie (1976). I don't want to say too much, but both play on that essential happy moment before the tragic downfall. Wonderful.

A+

To The Devil... A Daughter (1976)

Directed by Peter Sykes for Hammer Films, To The Devil... A Daughter stars Christopher Lee (which makes this film worth watching in itself.)

I've been YEARNING to see this movie since I read about it in Clive Barker's A-Z of Horror a few years back. Now, thanks to my beloved Video Fan, I can proudly say I have borne witness to this gem of a film.

I really enjoyed this movie. Really, it has everything one expects from a Hammer film: lush scenery, beautiful women and atmosphere that overwhelms anything else, rendering it unimportant. Aspects of this movie were confusing, and the ending, which consisted of hitting Christopher Lee over the head with a rock, was a bit anti-climactic, but the baroque tone cancels out these shortcomings. The scenes of Christopher Lee as a fallen priest leading rites to Astaroth are compelling enough to tide one through the saggy bits.

Also, Natassaja Kinski makes a beautiful old-school nun. The scenes of her running through the streets in full habit are a must-see for genuine Sixties European scenery.

B+

True Blood, Anyone?

Scientists are now able to convert blood types.

Seems like it won't be long until artificial blood? Maybe vampires really will decide to come out of the coffin. :)

-DR

I Drink Your Blood (1970)

I Drink Your Blood was directed by Davis E. Durston and starred Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury, who had a tragic, but fascinating life.

This movie, inspired by the Manson Family, is abut a group of Satanic hippies who get on the wrong side of a little boy. As a result, he doses them with rabies by injecting the blood of a rabid dog into meat pies and selling them to the hippie clan. The rabies spreads as the hippies go on a crazy killing spree until the town is razed to the ground. The only thing saving the few survivors is that rabies causes an extreme fear of water, which allows for an anticlimactic escape through a river.

I think the description says it all, really. A wonderful example of why Grindhouse movies are great. :) I mean, this is two hours of hippies wielding axes as they foam at the mouth. Beautiful.

Also, Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury really gives a stand-out performance. His dance background is readily apparent in the theatricality of his acting. The movie is worth seeing just to see him as a Satantic cult leader. He comes across as much more of a protagonist than the sociopathic little boy.

A+

Rosemary's Baby (1968)

Since I have so many to write, each of these is going to be quick and dirty, just the facts, ma'am. :)

Rosemary's Baby was directed by Roman Polanski and starred Mia Farrow and Ruth Gordon, who won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role.

I have seen this movie MANY times, but it never fails to spook me. I read the book when I was eighteen, and it is the only book I have ever read that has given me nightmares.

However, I think people misplace the horrific aspects of this movie. While Levin is obviously drawing from the idea of the invasion of the body and ancient ideas of demonic possession, I think the true terror in this movie lies in the idea that sometimes the people you love betray you. It really speaks to the inherent evil in human nature and how trust can be so easily broken.

I mean, Guy sells Rosemary to the Devil for his own success in acting. Everyone around her, including her neighbors and her doctor, are in on the plot, and there is no one she can turn to. If you ask me, that's much scarier than her demon baby.

A+

Happy Halloween, Y'all!

Halloween is the time for horror, after all, so I have embarked on a two-day horror fest, reviews to come shortly. :)

So far:

Rosemary's Baby

I Drink Your Blood

Island of Death

Nightmare on Elm's Street

Hellbound: Hellraiser II

The Hunger

Practical Magic (Not Horror, but whatevs.)


Happy All-Saints!