Machete (2010)

WANT.

Live Evil (2009)

A New Must-See!!



Interesting concept. We think of vampires as the ultimate predator, but we never think of them as subject to the laws of evolution, where a lack of resources or a change in ecosystem could lead to extinction. Nifty!

-DR

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

The Toxic Avenger is a Troma film directed by Michael Herz and Lloyde Kaufman, starring Mitch Cohen.

This movie is awesome. It's like every creature feature you've ever seen, injected with PCP and nihilism. It is truly indescribable except to say that if you like video nasties, this is for you.

Video Fan also has The Toxic Avenger, Part II (1989), Part III: the Last Temptation of Toxie (1989), Citizen Toxie (2000) AND Tromeo and Juliet (1996). Reviews WILL be forthcoming.

Also, Toxic Twins: The Toxic Avenger V will be released in 2011. See you in the theatre!

A

"New Moon" Trailer

Somehow, a scene that came across as melodramatic in the book managed to be even more over the top on film. I mean, I know I'm generalizing, but it was just a paper cut. Seriously. Anyway, doesn't it seem a bit backwards to leave Bella's luscious, vampire-bating self unsupervised in order to protect her? Nothing bad could happen with that...


Additionally, that's not even close to being the most ridiculous aspect of " New Moon." I mean, the whole suicide segment is too convoluted to even explain. I just hope there are some good car chase scenes in Italy, otherwise this whole movie will amount to watching Bella cry and write in her diary about how empty her soul is.


On the bright side, maybe all the the fans will get to see inside Bella's catatonic breakdown after Edward's departure. In the book are just four blank pages labeled with the month, but maybe we'll get to witness what actually happened in that time! Excellent! Like I don't do enough sitting around in my house that I'd want to watch Kristen Stewart do it as well.

Maybe they can throw in a subplot where Bella gets turned into a robot. That would definitely be something I'd watch, as long as they didn't build the robots using the same program they used for the werewolves. Horrible CGI.

However, I do like this poster. That's something, right?

Kick-Ass!

School has taken over my soul for the last few weeks, but I'll be back soon with a review of Obsessed (2009) and maybe Skeleton Key(2004), finally?

But for now, I bring you: Kick-Ass.


All you need to know is that it involves an eleven year old assassin named Hit Girl. You know where I'll be Opening Night.

-DR

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

What a year 2009 will be for exploitation! This, Bitch Slap AND Repo: The Genetic Opera!

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

I can't wait!

Bitch Slap (2009)

Who would NOT want to see this movie?

Amityville 3D (1983)

Amityville 3D, or Amityville 3: The Demon, was released in 1983. Directed by Richard Fleischer, this fine film stars Tony Roberts, Tess Harper, Candy Clark from The Man Who Fell To Earth(1976), and Meg Ryan.

I’m watching Amityville 3D as I write this. This is not out of sudden, joyous inspiration caused by brilliant movie magic, but because it is really boring. Really. Boring. You’d think, what with it being in 3D, there’d at least be a few things flying at your face to keep it interesting, but no such luck.

Lame. Whatever, I’m still SUPER EXCITED about My Bloody Valentine 3D.

F